Acknowledgments; Part One: Our Lifelong Search For Truth; Chapter one: Caught Unaware; Facing loss once more; The "A" word; The dreaded event; The search intensifies; The first contact; The reunion that was sure to be glorious; Goodbye fantasy; Kept at arm's length; What was I doing wrong?; Glad to be caught; Chapter two: Preparing to Grow; The "V" word; How the victim mentality begins; A portrait of a victim; Liberation; Our new goal is an unshakable identity; Part Two: Twenty Truths and Twenty Choices That Can Transform; Chapter three: Thoughts about Our Birth Parents Are Innate
Our first conversations with herOur first thoughts about her; Her lifelong impact; What about our birth fathers?; Our dual identity; How to begin; Chapter four: Painful Thoughts about Our Adoptions Are Normal; Where do painful feelings originate?; How to recognize painful adoption-related feelings; Words and statements that often produce painful feelings; How to begin; Learning about Adoption Dynamics Will Help Us Relax; The benefits of self-education; How to begin; Chapter six; Chapter six: It May Often Seem like No One "Gets It"; Walk away; It's private; Share; Educate; How to begin
Chapter seven: Share Deep Feelings Only With "Safe" PeopleWhy trust can be difficult for us; Trust can be learned; Risk but beware; Three characteristics of safe people; How to begin; Chapter eight: We Can Control Our Anger ... Really!; Four reasons to welcome anger; Triggers for primary emotions; What will tame our anger?; How to begin; Chapter nine: We Can Get Unstuck from Our Painful Past; Ways we get stuck; Another way to think about pain; How to begin; Chapter ten: Many of Us Experience Echoes of Loss; The echoes we hear; Why some adoptees claim no painful repercussions; How to begin
Chapter eleven: An Hour with a Fellow Adoptee Is Better than Weeks of TherapyWhy we love to be together; Why we need one another; How to begin; Chapter twelve: False Guilt Shouldn't Stop Us from Considering a Reunion; The messages of false guilt; Ways we can be liberated from false guilt; How to begin; Chapter thirteen: Search and Reunion May Become a Top Priority; The honeymoon stage of reunion; Five social media landmines; Questions to ask yourself; Reunion in retrospect; How to prepare for reunion; How to begin; Chapter fourteen: We Don't Need to Fear Seeming Ungrateful or Disloyal
What we may believe about loyaltyHow to resolve loyalty issues; How to begin; Chapter fifteen: We Must Give Up Being Pleasers; Our quest for truth; The risks of searching; The rewards of searching; How to begin; Taking Concrete Steps toward Obtaining Our Pre-Adoption History Requires Courage ... We Can Do It!; Concrete steps for searching; How to begin; Chapter sixteen: When We Feel Overwhelmed We Must Be Gentle with Ourselves; Why are we overwhelmed at times?; How we nurture ourselves; How to begin; Chapter eighteen: Rejection Might Be Part of Your Adoptee "Rite of Passage"; We isolate ourselves
Summary
Adoption authority Sherrie Eldridge offers personal, life-affirming advice to adoptees who have mixed emotions about adoption
